The 3 Minute Game - Simplified

You ask your partner 2 questions:

Then once the Six minutes have passed, you swap roles - they ask the two questions to you and it goes back and forth.

Play this until one of you gets tired of keeping time and then have amazing sex.

In the first question you ask them you are GIVING and they are RECEIVING.
In the second question you ask them you are TAKING and they are SURRENDERING.

Then you swap around :)

It will also help very much to discard any pre-existing notions of which partner is Dominant or Submissive and instead think of the Top and Bottom, with the Top doing the thing and the Bottom having the thing done to them.

Instructions on How to Play

First, take ALL the pressure off yourself. If YOU have fun, then you win. For right now, this is all about you. Don't worry about your partner, this will teach them to be direct and to take responsibility for their own pleasure, touch and orgasms. Thats not your job, and the best thing you can do to take the pressure off them and help them to relax is to focus for this time on yourself.

Set aside fifteen minutes of private time. You go first, you Give and they Receive. For each question, you suggest an act. Theres a list below of ideas, or if you've played a few times you might have favorites you like :) You suggest, and if they say no, you pause, make eye contact and genuinely thank them for their no, and their clear response. This creates a strong sense of safety, and allows them to drop much deeper into it with each round. It is okay to start with small, safe, things and build up, and it's okay to take a minute to recover from any "rejections" and pick yourself back up before thanking them.

Make it real. Ask for some reassurance if you need it. There is no judgment here. Then if they have said no, and once you have thanked them, it is their role to suggest a roughly equal alternative option. You can then accept it, or suggest a better one, or go back and forth chatting until they agree and accept one that you are willing to
offer. Start the timer on your phone. Do the thing for three minutes, then stop. Then ask the second question, you suggest something YOU want to do to them FOR YOUR PLEASURE and when they agree on something, you start the timer and go for three minutes. Then you Take and they Surrender.

Then, once you've asked both questions and done both things, swap around so they do it to you.

Remember, a "no" does not mean "no, forever" it means "not now, or not here, or (possibly) not with you, but ask me again later in a different context and see".

Ask out loud for what you want, without shame. Be brave. Connect.

Active Partner / Top (the one doing things) focus on immersing yourself in the activity. Close your eyes, dim the lights, get into it. Passive partner / Bottom (the one not doing things) close your eyes, make all the noises that you want to without judging yourself and enjoy this fully without shame.

Why do this?

It creates an incredibly deep sense of trust and physical connection very quickly, which can be wonderful and deeply pleasurable to share with someone. Also it's super fun to teach to new people. Feel free to print out copies of this handout and give them away freely, just don't take credit for it.

How will I know if I've done it right?

You will have played this game with anyone else you want to at least fifteen times.

Thats the standard :)

You can do it, I believe in you.

Seed Ideas - To Get Started

As always, begin simply and build on success. If you get stuck, it's okay, normal and natural :) Just drop down a level and enjoy that, then move back up soon.

Further Reading and Background

There are 4 Types of Activities in Bed

Every thing you can do with your partner falls into one of those categories. Simple :)

Men are usually extremely good at Giving, and somewhat good at Taking (the so called 70/30 split, where 70 percent good at Giving, 30 percent at taking and 0/0 at the others), and usually pretty terrible at Receiving and Surrendering. It's simply a lack of practice and opportunity, something playing this game will fix fairly quickly.

Conversely, Women are usually very good at Receiving, fairly good at Surrendering and usually pretty terrible at Giving and Taking.

A Note For Submissives - Being a skilled and good Submissive means being able to excel in all four roles in bed, should your Dominant ask that of you as a service to them. Taking the initiative in bed is not an inherently Dominant act, and should not be used or permitted as an excuse.

Developing all of the areas will mean that you can dip into and out of them whenever you wish to, and it creates balance and connection in bed. It also creates a MUCH deeper Submissive mindset

All of these skills can be very easily developed with a little practice to massively increase your ability to connect and deepen intensity with your partner.

Building your skills in all four areas for both partners creates strength and gives the option to dip into whichever one you enjoy, need or want and to fuck your partner in the way that you want without applying anyone elses opinion to what you like.

Objectifying your partner, now is the time where it's okay to see your partner as simply a sexual object. Doing this liberates them and takes the pressure off of them to perform or to respond in a particular way. It is incredibly freeing for someone to be objectified sexually in this moment so do that because it feels good.

Why does this work so well?

It slows down the sex. Normally lots of things are happening at once, it's complicated and messy and difficult to analyse what is going on. Slowing it down and making it one direction at a time is amazing, it massively improves the quality of the experience.

It ensures balance and is excellent for recovering Nice Guys.

Further Reading

DO NOT GET CAUGHT UP IN READING. Play the game, don't just read the book. Reading a hundred books on Surfing doesn't make you a Surfer, getting on a board in the water and falling off just once does.

https://bettymartin.org/download-wheel/

https://bettymartin.org/

https://wheelofconsentbook.com/

As with all things, for love.