Podcast Episode Show Notes

001 - Improving Your Voice as a Hypnotist

Throat Soothing Tea Recipe

Make tea out of the above ingredients:

  1. Pour hot water in.
  2. Mix well.
  3. Drink. Done.

002 - Improving Self Esteem and Deservedness, for You or Your Subject (Part 1 of 2)

Overview

Outline

  1. Clarity in Relationships:
    Dependence → Independence → Interdependence.

  2. Compatibility of Deservedness:
    Its importance in a relationship.

  3. Basis of Authority:
    How it affects change.

  4. Detailed Approach:
    Practical steps and methods.

Resources

Unconscious Reinforcement

Empowering Personal Philosophy

Conscious Tools and Games

Additional Resources

003 - Improving Self Esteem and Deservedness, for You or Your Subject (Part 2 of 2)

Important Points

Outline

  1. Helping Your Partner Say "No":
    Techniques to encourage assertiveness.

  2. Warm-Up Trances:
    To deepen responsiveness in your subject.

  3. Setting Boundaries (Revisited):
    Reinforcing limits.

  4. The 3 Minute Game (In Detail):
    Step-by-step instructions.

  5. Roles in Bed:
    Rounding out your skills in the 4 roles.

  6. Good Contracts:
    The 3 key criteria for effective agreements.

  7. Summary:
    Recap of covered material.

004 - The Use and Application of Text-Based Hypnotic Triggers

Required Equipment:

Key Points:

Your One Sentence Takeaway?

Your Notes on Application and Implication:

Further Reading and Resources:

None

Text Commands – Examples

Guidelines:

  1. Remote Triggering:
    Design triggers to be used for triggering remotely.

  2. Duration:
    Build in a duration (e.g., ten seconds).

  3. Symbols:
    Use two different symbols not commonly used together.

  4. Documentation:
    Write down the triggers you give someone.

Standard Safeties:

Creating the Trigger:

Example language designed to create a feeling of sexual pleasure (adaptable for other uses):

  1. Induce Trance:
    Get your subject into a deeply responsive trance.

  2. Trigger Statement:
    Each and every time that you receive a text message from me with the word “Satisfaction” inside of an asterisk and an exclamation mark you will daydream for 15 seconds of the last time we had sex and how amazing it felt for us to be together. This will only take effect when it is safe and appropriate for you to do so, and you can choose not to respond to this trigger if the situation is not safe or appropriate. Only a direct communication from me will allow this trigger to fire off, and when it does you will feel the full effects and enjoy them deeply, satisfyingly, because you know that it’s what I want you to feel.

  3. Repetition:
    Repeat the above language at least two times all the way through.

  4. Testing:

    • Test and verify the trigger works as desired during trance.
    • Emerge the subject from trance.
    • Test and verify the trigger works out of trance.

  5. Roleplay:
    Roleplay the trigger’s use in different scenarios to ensure mutual understanding.

  6. Success:
    Have fun playing with your partner.

Example Triggers Done CORRECTLY:

Example Triggers Done INCORRECTLY:

005 - The Use of Mirrors in the Conditioning of Subjects

Required Equipment:

Key Points:

Having a Subject Self-Reference during Brainwashing activities is extremely powerful at reshaping their personality. It prevent disassociation and multiplies the effect of the conditioning audio and activities.

Level 1 – Subject listens to conditioning audio, relaxed and eyes closed.

Level 2 – Subject listens to audio while stimulating sexually or being stimulated.

Level 3 – Subject listens to audio while stimulating sexually, in a submissive posture (kneeling) in front of a mirror looking at herself being brainwashed.

Level 4 – Subject does all activities of Level 3, but adds in out-loud repetition of brainwashing phrases.

Your One Sentence Takeaway?

Your Notes on Application and Implication:

Further Reading:

None

014 - Three Core Tools

All of these resources can be found in the Resources Folder on the Website. Simple. Super Simple, do these things every day and you'll stay sharp.

Erotic Hypnosis
HLSS Cards - get them here https://hypnosistrainingacademy.com/hypnotic-language-shortcut-system/
Just click through the marketing stuff and get them at the end.

Operant Conditioning
The Training Game by Karen Pryor
PDF handouts and videos are in the Folder.

General Sexual Skills
The 3 Minute Game by Betty Martin
PDF handouts and videos are in the Folder.

015 - The Making Friends Kit - UPDATED

Contents of the Making Friends Kit:

Optional Extras

019 - You Must Allow Them to Give Back

Remember the difference between Behaviour and Intention.

The Goal: Fully Accept your Sexual Desires
Be Unapologetic about what you like.

Step 1: Write down the thoughts in a totally unfiltered way.
Step 2: Say them out loud, to yourself.
Step 3: Share them with someone you trust and know will approve of.
Step 4: Share them with someone you trust.
Step 5: Share them with someone you know slightly less.

When they offer you service, acknowledge it even if you don't accept it.

You have to make it safe for them to give. You have to accept your own desires within yourself and then be able to articulate these things to your partner in an unapologetic way. Then you must be able to receive them when they connect with you.

You don't have to accept the BEHAVIOUR, but you have to accept the INTENTION.

024 - BDSM Kink Contracts 2.0

Basic Structure

One Keystone Statement that describes the aspiration and intention of the relationship.
One to three Dealbreakers these are the things that if they happened, would cause the relationship to end or to be unsalvageable or to radically change so as to be unrecognisable.
How will this end? Write down in detail exactly how the relationship will end.
Optional - Preferences - A nonbinding list of things that you like, but that they will not be punished for not doing. You can also use a "List of Things I Like", a "Book of Master", the Attributes Method or a 3 Columns Chart.
Optional - Fake Rules - Fake Rules that your submissive can break that don't actually matter, but that they can use to signal that they are in need of punishment, authority or correction.

Potential Keystone Statements

Be a Joyful addition
Be Pleasing to Him
Honor Thy Master
Obey
For the Master - "I will be clear and consistent in my expectations"

The Process

Be in a happy, wonderful life and have a relationship with them for them AT LEAST 3 months ( 5 to 6 months is better).
Write up a draft without self-censorship and do not share it with anyone. Then share your Dealbreakers with your partner. Combine and merge them.
Then try it for 3 hours. Then again. Then a half day. Wait a minimum of three days between each trial period.

The One Goal I Have When Training

To have the submissive see themselves as I have always seen them.

Notes on Punishment

Your CANNOT punish them for something they cannot control consciously.

Notes on Contract Duration

The longest I would be in a Contract for is 3 months. Then I would end the Contract for a minimum of 1 month off, then re-enter it.

Notes on Conflict Resolution
Step 1 "I need to talk about something really serious and really important with you. It is about TOPIC and how I feel about that. Can I make some time for us to sit down and have a proper, one on one conversation about this?"
Step 2 Set aside some time NOT NOW to think about it. Meet on neutral ground. Separate intention from behaviour.

It is possible to create a list of previously agreed upon, precisely defined activities that you can choose from within a particular time period. This introduces an element of variability and and is an effective way to introduce new behaviours while still ensuring that they validate the submissive through the desire of the dominant (by not being ondirect request).

Notes on Authority

Your authority is not based on the legal system. It is based on the personal accountability of the individuals involved.

Further Resources Mentioned

The 7 Questions, in "The Heart of Dominance" by Anton Fulmen - highly recommended.
The Punishment Section in Book 2 of "The Devil in the Details" by LT Morrison
"Igniting the Fire" by Master Arcane

026 - Core Beliefs - Why they Matter, How they are Formed and How to Effectively Restructure Them in the Training of Yourself and your Submissive

Everything that has ever been done has been done because it makes someone feel good.

You Can't Say Yes Unless You Can Say No

The Five Stages of Grief

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief

What you Believe → Meaning you make → Life that you get to have

Hypnotic Safeties
 "Only when it's safe and appropriate"
 "You'll automatically ignore any suggestion that isn't right for you"
 "You can always open your eyes and come out of hypnosis with a full and complete awareness of everything that happened, calm and relaxed and know what to do next"
 "You'll only go to the depth that you feel safe and comfortable"

Learning DMI (Dynamic Mental Imagery Find as a Torrent or here:
https://hypnosistrainingacademy.com/hypnotherapy-training-courses/

Jack Donovans "The Way of Men"  Regarding Honor

"On Combat" by Lt Dave Grossman

"Tiny Habits" by BJ Fogg

"No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover

"Dating Essentials for Men" by Robert Glover

027 - Technique - Third Person Speech Control and Usage of Disassociation

The Importance of The Getting to No Exercise
You can attach this to a physical object like a collar.
"You are in control of how much that you choose to be out of control"
"Walden" by Henry David Thoreau

"On Combat" by Lt Dave Grossman

028 - Technique - Renaming

Things don't exist until you can describe them.

Language is a Symbol.

Construct a symbol designed to empower someone in their submission.

Your training goal is for the person to "self-identify" as whatever you are training them as.

Create a Symbol. Define the Meaning.

Definitions → Meaning → Use Cases → Real Wold Worked Examples

One Sentence → Several Dot Points → 2  Paragraphs → A Page

One Possible Definition of a Slave:
A modern woman / man who has been trained to be enthusiastically sexually responsive and willfully obedient to another person whom they love and trust and to use all of their skills and resources in the pursuit of making that persons life easier and more pleasurable
Why values are almost useless unless they are actually applied.
Brainstorm common scenarios to test commonality of responses.
What would my Ideal Day look like?

The Dangers of separate Parts and of the Global Suggestion Causes MASSIVE internal conflict, insane and destructive jealousy of THEMSELVES, and can easily result in a total mental breakdown and the requirement for significant intervention by a skilled and capable Hypnotherapist. DO NOT USE.

If you need help fixing this, get in touch with me.

I rant about Fourth Wave Feminism and why it harms human happiness.

You have to mean it.

Coming to Terms with Yourself
Express your desires in writing, privately to yourself.
Then express them out loud to yourself.
Then share them with someone that you trust once you have accepted yourself.
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
"The Forked Tongue: Revisited" by Flagg and Soulhuntre

029 - Validation vs The Act vs What It Means - A Critical Distinction

You MUST teach people how to treat you both in life but ESPECIALLY in bed.

The desire of the Man is for the Woman. The desire of the Woman is for the DESIRE of the Man.

Read Elizabeth Cramers book linked below. Write down five things you want your partner to say, have them write down five things they want you to say. Do it in bed. Get comfortable with speaking what you want.

"131 Dirty Talk Examples" by Elizabeth Cramer

Ask for the VALIDATION that you want.

How you Solve This!
Make up a list of words, behaviors or action that they then have complete blanket permission to do to you at any time for a specific period of time. That way that you know that their desire (and thus the validation from that unsolicited act) is REAL, and they can enjoy both the act and knowing that they didn't need to initiate it (the initiation robs an act of a great deal of it's validation, though not all).

Make up a list of things they are always allowed to do to you or for you, then give them permission to do them any time they like. Notice, reward, shape for increased frequency of occurrence. Win.

Enthusiasm is the Meta-arousal trigger. It is the single hottest sexual behaviour.

What meanings does someone make from the ACT?

What meaning does someone make from the VALIDATION?

Links to Caleb Jones Body of Work
https://calebjones.com/

Veruca James and Owen Grey - The Porn Shoot that I'm talking about. It's Magnificent, and should not be copied, but used for inspiration.
https://www.kink.com/shoot/35700

Rick Smith Hypnosis Recordings
Worth
How to Win at Everything
Solo

The Alpha Collection - for Men. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
https://www.ricksmithhypnosis.com/
TAGteach Operant Conditioning
https://www.tagteach.com/
TAGteach free mini-course HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
https://www.tagteach.com/Free-TAGteach-course
"131 Dirty Talk Examples" by Elizabeth Cramer

030 - PDL + The Strategic and Tactical Usage of Bells

Bracelets are often better than collars in the sense they can be worn everywhere and more often seen by the submissive, provoking a moment of idle reflection on their submission that reinforces their training.

PDL  Partner Defined Lifestyle

You can use "charm bracelets" to signify slave training accomplishment.

You give them the bracelet. For every unit or module they graduated from they would earn at the end of the module another charm for their charm bracelet.

031 - Technique - A Super Simple Tool for Assessing the Health of Your Relationship

Your Relationship

Two factors that must be present:
Can you sit and talk freely for hours without ever feeling the need to force it?

Can you sit together in silence, doing things separately and not feel to obligation or pressure to fill that silence with something?

The Power In Practice Podcast - Highly Recommended
https://podcast.powerinpractice.com/

Tests for EVERYONE

The Five Love Languages
https://www. 5 lovelanguages.com/
The 16 Personalities Test MBTI
https://www. 16 personalities.com/
The Relationships Section of the extended report is particularly good.
The Big Five
https://bigfive-test.com/

032 - A Simple Security Stack for Kinksters to Help Protect Your Identity

Identity

Have an entirely separate, free email account which you use for ALL kink things.

You can make your kink email your Fetlife Username and Vice Versa. Optional.

My Personal Policy - NEVER share any of the information on the list below with anyone in kink.

Use a "fake" real name

You can create "Contact Cards" Fetlife Handle / the actual URL of their Fetlife Profile, Threema ID, ProtonMail Account, on super cheap business cards and hand them out at parties. Do not include your phone number or any other personally identifiable information

The Kink Mob will often target your partners, your family, and other friends and people you know in kink.

The happiest and healthiest people I have met in Kink were ones who were very selective about how much they were involved in kink. Do not spend time around crazy people. Kink has a massively higher concentration of PC Baby (South Park Reference) lunatics than the general population. Be careful.

The Article from RooshV on a Hypothetical Solution to Rape that I mentioned. Note that I do not endorse this as a solution it is included here for completeness.
https://www.rooshv.com/how-to-stop-rape

The Two Primary Threat Vectors

Lone Predators
The Kink Mob
Both are significant threats countered in roughly the same way (because the Kink Mob are Predators / Bullies)

A Simple Process to Establish an Identity and Secure your Personal

Information

First create a real-sounding Fake Real Name. From now on, use only this in Kink.
Then create a free ProtonMail account with nothing personally identifiable in the email address (see list below) which may be based on your Fetlife Nickname, but may not be. This becomes your Kink Point of Contact, along with your Signal account. Go into ProtonMail Settings and activate the shortened "@pm.me" if you wish to.
Use your ProtonMail account to create a Bitwarden Account. Make secure passwords.
Open up an Authy Account.
Enable Two Factor Authentication on ProtonMail if you wish to.

Open up a Fetlife Profile using your secure email address. Enable Two Factor Authentication on Fetlife.
Put your secure contact details on your Fet Profile. Do not share any information on the list below with anyone you meet in kink unless you choose to.

A Worked Example

John is a smart guy. John makes up a fake Kink Name, "Robert" and a Fet handle "Squishy". He registers a free Protonmail Account under his Fet username, Squishy so his email address becomes thatsmistersquishy@protonmail.com He downloads the Threema App and links it to his Kink email address so his kink friends can find him. He uses that email account for creating a Fetlife Account, uses Bitwarden to secure his passwords and Authy for Two-Factor Authentication. He gives his kink email and ThreemaID to people so they can get in touch. John introduces himself as Robert to everyone he meets in Kink. John uses his brain and doesn't share any information on the list below with anyone in kink unless he chooses to.

Simple Rules Around Personal Information

Generalise any dangerous information Don't say "I work for Rio Tinto", say "I work in the Oil and Gas industry".
Add a year or two to your birthday on Fet / in real life, but be consistent. You might want to make up an entirely fake birthday, up to you.
Make up a "Real sounding " Fake Name and use that in kink

Information that you should NEVER disclose to anyone in Kink or the broader kink scene

Your real, legal, first name. Use a fake legal name.
Your real, legal, last name. Use a fake legal name.
Your actual birthday.
Anything unique about you that could be used to identify you uniquely - like an interest in competitive motorsports, or awards that you've won, or particular professions or career choices.
Don't say "I'm the CEO of SexyCompanyINC", say "I work in the Healthcare Industry" - keep it general.
Where you work.
Where you live.
The names of your family members.
Where your family lives or works.

Essential Security Software

Secure Email - ProtonMail
https://protonmail.com/
Secure Texting - The Best - Threema
https://threema.ch/
Secure Texting - Runner Up - Signal
https://www.signal.org/

Password Bank - Bitwarden
https://bitwarden.com/
Two Factor Authentication - Authy
https://authy.com/
File Sharing - Filen
https://filen.io/
VPN - Mullvad
https://mullvad.net/en/
Web Browser
https://brave.com/

Use these Extensions and install them only from the Chrome App Store
uBlock Origin
Bitwarden

Used by Community Groups
Telegram
https://telegram.org/
Element
https://element.io/

033 - Slave Skills - Cleaning a Hotel Room

Fun Tip - Grab the Toiletries from the high quality hotels you stay in, put them in a ziplock bag and bring them with you if you ever stay at a cheaper hotel
Intention - Minimise the amount of work that cleaning staff have to do to tidy the room.
Intention - To make His life easier and more pleasurable - be a joyful addition.

The Process

Go around the room clockwise. Pull all of your belongings into a pile by the door. Just grab everything.

Strip the bed. Put all the blankets and pillowcases on the beds.

Grab all the towels and wet linens and put them at waist height on the bed.

Put all rubbish in bins and put the bins up at waist height.

Final Check - Wallet, Phone, Keys

Thorough final check of the room.

034 - Intention and Fear - A Two Step Process for Creation and Connection

Connection

Intention and Fear
What is my intention?
What can I create?
Can you get out of this position? No. Can I improve my position by 1 %? Yes. Then do that.
Repeat.
How do I know what a great relationship looks like?
How do I know if I'm in a great relationship?
Creating a Relationship:
A joyful, positive, uplifting and mutually beneficial relationship involving a lot of physical sex.

In my experience there are three primary causes of Anxiety / Fear:
 Not knowing that I can handle this
 Not knowing what is going to happen
 A lack of physical safety (secondary)

"Ten percent of people are going to hate you for no reason. You need to just accept that."
How to Write a Book
https://bookschool.scribemedia.com/

035 - The Slavery Equation

Being Owned = Being Desired = Being Loved (Optional) = Being Worthy = Being Useful

The Noble Equation (by Jack Donovan)

Good = Noble = Mighty = Beautiful = Happy = Loved by the Gods

I'm a fan of using equivalencies in my work around meanings.
Meanings Theory: "That we are not hurt so much by what happens to us, as we are hurt more (generally speaking) by what we think it means ".
Restructuring Meanings is of Critical Importance.

Eliciting and Defining Meanings

First Elicit Meanings, then Understand Meanings, then Harmonising Meanings (around a particular topic)
Intention Simply and cleanly present a holistic view of an entire Slave, in a simple and actionable way that emphasises and empowers them in their choice of submission.
It simply and accurately describes what a Slave should be and what that means.
You can create your own Slavery Equation. If you disagree with my interpretation of it, make your own. The concept is very solid.
You can also create your own Dominance Equation.

036 - Bracketing - A Highly Effective Brainwashing Protocol

Intention - Provides real and meaningful benefits to the listener, creates positive change, creates Hope, set the intention of the rest of their day.

It's designed to position you as their Owner at the beginning, the middle and the end of their day.

A Bracelet is better for self-referencing than a collar.

Tie a HUGE amount of positive, solid commands to a physical object and then have that object be involved in their wakeup recording or other recordings.

Idea - Recording to enforce or mention a particular bedtime.

Repetition is key, making recordings short and effective allows them to be used much more often.

Morning, Afternoon, and Evening

Morning Recording's

Length - Less than 1 0 minutes.
Intention - Wake them up, give them positive suggestions, set the day up right and make
them feel energised, happy and proud to be yours.
Optional - Have them touch themselves, edge and cum if they feel drawn to , but don't
dictate their orgasm every single time, let their body decide - to add variability and to avoid
the potential negative consequences of long term orgasm denial.

General Theme - "Wake up, today is going to be a good day, you are special, you are loved."

Afternoon Recording's

Length - 1 0 to 15 minutes.
Designed to be looped, for an indefinite period of time.
Intention - Clear their "busy" mind, empty them of thoughts, strengthen them, reconnect
with them, refresh them and give them energy, renewed focus and think often of their
strengths.

General Theme - "Clear your mind of thoughts, restore your strength, rest your eyes."

Evening Recording's

Length - 20 to 30 minutes.
Designed to send them to sleep as they listen.
Intention - Help them to process the events the day in a healthy way, to rest and recover
physically and mentally during the night, to feel good while they sleep, to have good
dreams if any, to awaken at the right time feeling rested and refreshed, to be reminded
they are special and loved, cherished and safe.

How Many Recordings To Make?

In order:

1 wakeup recording.
1 sleep recording.
1 afternoon naptime recording.
Another afternoon naptime recording.
Another sleep recordings.
Another wakeup recording.

You should end up with 2 to 3 wakeups, 2 - 3 afternoon recordings, and 1 - 2 sleep recordings. Make them identical in induction and format, change on the content sections between each recording.

Some Possible Suggestions

The Best Is Yet To Come
Notice around you all the good things ...
You're beautiful
You are wonderful ...
You deserve a partner that values you, that has their own life together, etc.
Tomorrow is a new day ....

Possible Sources of Conditioning Recordings

https://www.ricksmithhypnosis.com/

Alpha Sessions - Recommended for Afternoon Use

Worthy

How to Win at Everything

037 - The Book of Praise

Very Important Always emphasise that even if the relationship might end or turn sour, or bitter, that the praise does not reduce in validity or truth simply because the relationship ended.

Your intention is to create a resource they can use forever that uplifts and empowers them, and is not bound to you or to any one individual.

The primary intention of this tool is to assist in raising their Sense of Deservedness of yourself or another. These tools are even more powerful and necessary when applied to yourself. USE THEM ON YOURSELF.

Praise should be:

Printed on physical paper.
Should be TEXT, not photographs.
Emotionally significant to the person , they self select the content.
Come from multiple and a variety of sources, not just you as their Owner.

How to Do It

 Get an A 4 clear portfolio.
 Print out screenshots / emails / text of emotionally significant moments.
 Look back through it often, enjoy and add to it.

Bonus Points: Fridge Magnets make AMAZING hypnotic reinforcers.

Resolving Persistent Negative Bias

A complex issue. Can be assisted by regression (do not do regressions unless you have been formally trained, in-person, and have experience doing them and handling abreactions). Can also be assisted by DMI processes (which should not be done unless you know how to handle abreactions and have practical experience doing so)

DO NOT USE REGRESSIONS OR DMI UNLESS YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE TO CONSEQUNCES AND HAVE HANDS ON PRACTICE AND IN-PERSON EXPERIENCE DOING THEM.

Jar of Good Feelings - A Jar with lots of notes and nice things written on it for them to open, one a day when they think of you.

038 - Personal - What Is It That I Actually Do - Part 1 - Love

This is part of an experimental multi-part series where I explore introspectively what actually motivates me to do all of this.

Never underestimate the power of small kindnesses.

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour." - Henry David Thoreau

"Who must do the hard things? He who can." - Ghandi

Life has no inherent meaning. It is up to you to create a Meaning.

"As a Woman I want a Man with a twinkle in his eye, but I don't want to be the reason for that twinkle."

The Goal is deeper meaning.

The Purpose of Your Life is create, build and enjoy a life of deep, rich, empowering meaning, for yourself, and fir and with the people that you love.

What you resist, persists. What you accept, you gain the power to transform and use to help you grow.

You must make your needs a priority in your life.

Having a relationship will not solve your problems.

"Live every day as though it were a complete life". Live every day as though it was your last day is a TERRIBLE philosophy.

The single most important thing you can do is BUILD.

"Jonathon Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach

039 - Radically Improving Slavery and Submission

The Difference between a Slave and a Submissive: A Slave is capable of subordinating her desires in the short or long term to the interests of her Master or to the Relationship. A Submissive, can not.

The highest form of ENTHUSIASM is PRIDE.

Power = Control + Strength + Motion

Strength is the ability to act on an external resistance / force.

Hypnosis = The bypass of the Critical Faculty and the establishment of acceptable selective thinking.

Mutual selfishness in bed is a healthy form of sex, the most mutually satisfying kind.

If you can't say NO, then you can't ever really say YES.

"Some times it is possible to make all the right choices and still lose. That is not losing, thats life sometimes" - Picard

The Core Beliefs PDF in the Resources Folder is ESSENTIAL.

The IDEAL is a third way, incorporating the strengths and skills of BOTH.

If you are offered something and you refuse, then the refuser should offer a reasonable alternative.

The relationship that you have is a unique function of the two of you. It comes from two fully independent and an whole and complete people. The ideal relationship is one where you don't NEED them but you do WANT them.

You can apply this same approach to improving Male Dominants and Masters.

If anyone is trying to use guilt or shame to control you, they are your enemy. Whether they pretend to have your best interests, or they openly hate you, they are your enemy.

The second that you are aware of it, you are no longer a Victim - you have a Choice.

How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time.

Can you improve the position by 1 percent?

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour." - Henry David Thoreau

Don't look away for very long, it doesn't solve anything.

Do something to defy the problem, no matter how small.

Benefits of a Slave
Often are very self confident in their identity as a Slave, they often discover these impulses and drives much younger in life than submissives do.

Common Drawbacks of being a Slave
Often cannot separate the things that they do from "their identity / who they are". Often, this means that even small changes in behaviour become matters of changing identity.

Benefits of a Submissive
Generally more articulate and able to express their needs in a much more complete way than a slave. Generally.

Common Drawbacks of being a Submissive
Commonly, an inability to experience the complete depth of sensory experience and full and complete mental surrender, the way that a Slave can.

Moving a Submissive towards being more like a Slave
Create intense trust, deep responsiveness.
Aim - A level of trust required for unquestioning obedience.

Moving a Slave towards being more like a Submissive
Teach them the 3 Minute Game and play it often - Resources Folder
The "Getting to No" Game
Teach them Boundaries

"The War Against Boys" by Christina Hoff Summers

"Men on Strike" by Helen Smith

"The Way of Men" by Jack Donovan

"Teach Yourself to Think" by Edward de Bono

041 - Behavioural Modification - Creating Vastly Superior Conditioned Reinforcers for Training

The Current System - An Orgasm Trigger

Problems? Orgasms satisfy , and satisfied needs do not motivate. THIS IS IMPORTANT REMEMBER THIS.

Something is only a reinforcer if it increases the frequency of the behaviour being expressed.

Look in the Resources Folder for The Shaping Game or The Training Game Printouts in the Daily Drills Folder. See the section in the Mindkink Book on Creating Better Triggers for exactly how to create a trigger or a pleasure trigger.

Practicing Shaping and Clicker Training

Play the Training Game - See the Daily Drills Folder in the Resources Folder. Play it with your friends, definitely play with your lovers and sex partners , it makes fantastic foreplay and leads easily and directly into sex. Definitely play both roles so that you understand how it works from both sides.

Reinforcers 2. 0 Major Components

Reinforcer 1.0 One Second Orgasm

Reinforcer 2.0 One second of:

Total Bliss and Euphoria, pleasure well beyond multiple full body orgasm
Joy, Total Happiness and Wonder
Success and a feeling of Accomplishment

Hypnotic Safeties

"Only when it's safe and appropriate"

"Only when you hear my voice" OR "when you are with someone you choose to share this with"

The Process, Roughly

 Create a Trigger by Elicitation of a state of Bliss and Euphoria.
 Create trigger and attach safeties.
 Loop in Wonder, Happiness, and Joy.
 Loop in Success and Accomplishment.
 Attach to Marker Signal.

Possible Markers

 Use time compression to take a 30 minute orgasm and compress into a single second.
 Give them control back over the trigger, show them to the point where they understand they can do it themselves anytime that they want.
 Switch to Variable Frequency Rewards and automate through their Unconscious. Trigger only fires off 30 - 50 % of the time.
 Automatic Modulation of Composition for Maximal Effectiveness. Instruct their unconscious mind to use the correct combination of those three effects to create the maximal reward state.

NOTE If your pleasure triggers are not particularly strong, it often indicates that some general negativity clearing should be done to strengthen initial responses.

Overcoming Orgasmic Limitations

First Barrier - Muscular Exhaustion
Solution - Teach them to cum while remaining completely relaxed, so that no muscular tension is involved.

Second Barrier - Blacking Out From Their Brain Overloading From Pleasure
Solution - Pleasure is X. Your ability to handle Orgasm is equal to X + 1. Their ability to handle the pleasure always is slightly larger than their ability to experience that pleasure.

Third Barrier - Blood Glucose Levels drop after 30 minutes of continuous orgasm.
Solution - Hydration salts / Gatorade. Make sure they keep their blood sugar levels up. Gummi bears.

Further Reading

"Don't Shoot the Dog" by Karen Pryor

"The Brainwashing Book" by Sleepingirl - Good, but very derivative of Don't Shoot the Dog. Simpler to understand.

042 - Building a Website + Resources Folder + Mailing List + Store - For Content Creators

How I would do this now if I was starting from scratch

 Get a free Protonmail account.
 Set up Filen.io for file hosting. Create the Resources Folder.
 Set up Gumroad Store and populate with content.
 Set up Soundgasm for Audio Streaming. Host all free audio there.
 Set up the Group Chat in Signal.
 Establish a Static Site.
 Sell a bunch of products if you want to. Then upgrade to a Wordpress Site.

The Process

 Get an email address dedicated to your Kink Identity.
https://protonmail.com/ - Free Option
https://mailbox.org/ - Paid Option - 12 Euros a Year
 Go to Njalla, buy your Domain.
 Pick a Website Option and Execute.

Option 1 - Static Website (The Free Option)

Total Cost: About 19 USD per year + Domain Name Price

Pros: Extremely cheap. Extremely Fast. Very Secure.
Cons: Very limited layout options.

Use https://carrd.co

Option 2 - Wordpress Site (The Still Extremely Cheap Option)

Total Cost: 15 USD per year + Approx 20 USD
https://www.namecheap.com/wordpress/ - Go here and get this.
https://themeisle.com/themes/neve/ - Your Wordpress Theme
When installing - be sure to select Elementor as your Page Builder
https://www.gplvault.com/ - Where you get paid themes super cheap and legally

Wordpress Plugins:
Elementor Pro - Basically the only Pro plugin you might actually want.
UpdraftPlus / UpdraftPlus Pro - Backups (not essential as you can do this manually through Namecheap Wordpress Dashboard)
Wordfence - Security (Free)

File Hosting

https://www.box.com/ - Free Option
https://filen.io/ - Harder to set up but super secure

Mailing List

https://buttondown.email/

Store Options

https://gumroad.com/ - Store without Monthly Fees
https://getdpd.com/ - Store with 10 USD a month

Streaming Audio

https://soundgasm.net/

Group Chat

https://signal.org/

https://obsidian.md/ - Markdown based Content Generation
https://typora.io/ - A not terrible Markdown Editor
https://www.epik.com/ - Alternative Domain Host

Free Stock Images
https://unsplash.com/

Image Compression
https://tinyjpg.com/
https://tinypng.com/

https://compress-or-die.com/webp
https://shrinkme.app/

Logo Design
https://www.namecheap.com/logo-maker/
https://logohub.io/
https://brandhub.io/logos/

Favicon Maker
https://favicon.io/

Other
https://www.deadlinkchecker.com/
https://gtmetrix.com/

044 - Basic Communications Security - SHARE THIS

Secure Phone Calls Internationally Voice and Video, Share and Store Encrypted Files

Step - by - Step

 Get a secure Email.
 Set up a Password Manager.
 Install Threema / Signal app
 Set up Filen

https://protonmail.com/ - Email
https://bitwarden.com/ - Password manager
https://threema.ch/ - Texting and Phone Calls
https://signal.org/ - BACKUP Texting and Phone Calls
https://unsplash.com/ - Free Profile Pictures
https://filen.io/ - Secure File Sharing

File Naming Format
DDMMYY
So:
Wordsmith - 020321 - CLEAR DESCRIPTION

Optional Extras

https://authy.com/ - Two Factor Authentication
https://mullvad.net/ - The Best VPN

058 - Ds Relationship Design Part 1 - Class Handout

We will begin as we must begin, with savagery, brutality and intensity of action.

Class Objective

Our objective is the creation and ongoing engagement within a healthy, passionate, sustainable and mutually
beneficial relationship.

Good relationships happen, great relationships are DESIGNED.

Part 1 is about preparing yourself for a relationship.

Part 2 is about actually building a relationship.

Part 3 is about having and enjoying it.

It's better to solve problems in the DESIGN phase, rather than wait until you are with someone and in crisis, before solving these problems.

Class Summary

Fix Problems, Max Attractiveness, build Intensity.

Definition of a Relationship

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: Having a clear definition of what a relationship is about is a CRITICAL step in making sure that you are both heading in the same direction.

A relationship is an adventure that you have together. The goal of a relationship is to expand what is possible and to magnify what is already there. A relationship doesn't CREATE anything new, is MAGNIFIES and EXPANDS everything that does exist.

Summary - clear out all the garbage in yourself, prepare for an amazing relationship, and become super attractive to your ideal partner.

You want to get independence then max attractiveness because this will give you the best choice of healthy, attractive and desirable partners. Fix problems, max attractiveness, then connect and build a super intense dynamic.

In the introduction I will talk about some of the mistakes that I have made it to his point in this class, this should not be assumed to be about any person in particular, I just like it when people present ideal models without showing what to do when they are not an ideal circumstances.

Choosing the right partner is often the single most important decisions you will make. Because no one can harm you like someone who lives with you, knows you intimately, has access to your home and heart, friends and family. It is very important that you choose the right person / s (obviously you can have multiple relationships using these skills as well).

The exercise of your agency and choice is very important. Choosing the right person, for the right reasons.

Dependance -> INdependance -> INTERdependance

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: Because intense desire can cloud judgement and distort effective decision making. When you are a whole and complete person, you are in a vastly stronger position to choose the right person and then to create something intense and amazing.

Interdependence is the style of relationship that you want.

One of the SIDE EFFECTS (not the core purpose of the relationship but a natural side effect is that being with this person) makes you want to be a better person.

Dependance -> INdependance -> INTERdependance

Dependence is "I need ANYONE / I need you".
Independence is "I don't need you, but I do want you".
Interdependence is "I have more than I need, lets build something amazing together - Family, Children,
Relationship, Partnership".

In simpler terms:

Dependence is "I don't have enough".
Independence is "I have enough for myself".
Interdependence is "I have enough for myself and I can now give some away".

You can move back and forth along this scale as life happens, but the goal is always to be moving towards the right, towards INTERdependence.

Ds Dynamics naturally trend towards creating dependencies

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: Unless you act proactively to maintain independence, the natural structures of a Ds dynamic will eventually create a dependency. This will limit what is possible, and results in a host of other problems. Active Prevention here is a great idea.

American Model versus European Model

American Kink - subject agency effectively doesn't exist
European Model - subject agency is real, strongly encouraged by the community and within relationships MUCH BETTER. DO THIS!

The Four Dimensions of Independence

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: If you are not fully independent in each of the four areas, you will often settle for a partner out of desperation and not desire. You will make short-sighted decisions and are more likely to choose the person who is available, and perhaps not to wait for the person who is right for you and will treat you well.

Physical. Financial. Emotional. Sexual.

The Four Dimensions of Independence – It's okay if you're struggling, what is not okay is not doing anything about it. You have more control over your life than you think.

Physical - Your living situation is secure , you have access to food, a bed etc and can you navigate around the world , can you buy things.

Financial - Can you generate enough money to maintain your current life? Do you have an income that is not reliant on a single person?

Emotional - Can you handle your day-to-day stresses alone, or with minimal involvement and help from others? Can you do effective self care and maintain your own life.

Sexual - Can I satisfy myself sexually, in a healthy way that prepares me for a real life relationship?

Practical Strategies for Independence

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: If you are not fully independant, you will likely settle for a crappy submissive who drains your life rather than adding to it, or a dominant who expects you to fill a hole in their life. Building from a strong foundation is required for an amazing relationship - the answer is effective and practical strategies for independance.

Physical
Solution - Be in a secure living situation, where you are safe, comfortable and free. Learn to navigate the world, spend money and live a good life.

Financial
Solution - Have a job where you make enough money to support your lifestyle without relying on your partner.

Emotional
Solution: Be highly proactive with self care activities. Use the Core Beliefs Modules regularly. Have three close friends you can share anything with. Use ASMR recordings to provide comfort and emotional support to yourself when you need to. List of these will be in the resources folder.

Sexual
Solution - It is essentially Healthy Masturbation, and jerking off to being with a girl you know

For Men

For Women

The Iron Law of Relationships

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: It avoids you choosing a dom or sub out of desperation, and avoids the inevitable problems that stem from that.

"If you cannot be happy without her, then you can never (be truly) happy with her".

Without being fixed, this situation will completely destroy your relationship. Fix this. Be happy without her - you can still be in a relationship, you just have your own life outside of JUST her as well.

The Improved Golden Rule

(I'm really proud of this one :-)

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: It helps to actively fix being a nice guy dom and avoid situations of transactional debt.

The original rule, from the Bible:

"Do to other people what you want them to do to you". THIS IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS, it creates a situation where someone can be exploited indefinitely.

The improved version:

"Treat yourself with the exact same amount of love that you have always given to others".

Just love yourself, as much as you have always loved others. Give yourself the same patience, the same understanding.

It's that simple. Just do it.

The original Golden Rule creates Pathological Altruism - where you are so giving and nice that you harm yourself and your life, and then harm others around you.

Upgrade to the improved version today!

Introducing the Core Beliefs Modules

It's essentially lists of carefully constructed Core Beliefs, with separate lists for Self, Boundaries, Relationships, and Anti-Nice Guy Behaviours.

It exists as a folder in the Resources Folder (if you can't find it I will upload it shortly).

I will usually take someone deeply into a profound trance and implant these beliefs as a core element of their identity.

It's not masochistic or self-destructive - when they can say no it allows for the creation of maximal intensity.

I can go harder when I can be sure they are actively consenting. The goal is intensity.

Other Important Things

Trust, but Verify.

Give them the benefit of the doubt, at least initially.

No doesn't mean no, no means "not right now OR not here in this place OR not with you". Ask a clarifying question to determine which one of those three components is missing so that it can potentially be added in or changed.

Honesty doesn't mean being a cunt about it - "what do you want to know (about x)? And USE YOUR AGENCY to suggest an alternative of similar sexual intensity.

Example used: Tying a Rope Girl at an Event - rather than say no, she says "I feel self-conscious being tied here but if you blindfold me I won't feel self conscious and I will have a great time.

The other person makes all the difference - I treat all of the people that I want to date exactly the same, exactly. Controlling the variables, so that then their behaviour tells you how much of your time they get. Love is infinite, time is not.

Accepting yourself - being happy while being alone, having an amazing life.

Not choosing a role - labels are constraining.

Common Problems and Solutions

Don't be Fat
The reason that is a problem - I want you to have the best choices of high quality partners, and being not fat, physically attractive, dressing well and loving yourself will massively increase the quality of people you can be in a relationship with, and the maximal intensity of the activities and experiences that you can have. Being not fat does not mean being super skinny to an unhealthy level either, love your body and treat it well. You deserve better than being fat and if you think you don't you are wrong and you need to get proper help. Reach out.
Solution - If you need help with this, contact me and I can advise and help. Keto / Clean Eating +Intermittent Fasting + 8 Hours Sleep + Starting Strength + Time + a LOT of Positive Brainwashing

Communication Grey Areas
When they can ask you confidently for what they want, you can create much more intense experiences together.
Solution - Accept themselves. Raise their deservedness level. Play the three minute game a LOT. If you are submissive - accept that you will NEVER get the things you want unless you ask for them DIRECTLY. It takes courage, I know. It's also worth it.

Submissives / Dominants with Zero Agency / That are totally passive
Submissives have an incredibly outdated idea that asking for anything is a Dominant act, so it is outside their identity and they struggle with it. Asking for an act allows your Dominant to DOMINATE YOU MORE by giving them more to work with. Submissives with zero agency are extremely dangerous to play with as they are the leading cause of False Accusations and Drama.
Solution - The Three Minute Game (see the podcast episode on this in the resources folder), Teach them to Say No, Teach them to ask for what they want, and only play with people who actually do ask directly for what they want. Always be kind, but not in a way that is harmful to you long term - you never know what battles someone is fighting.

Pathological Independence
People can get stuck in Independence when moving from Dependence to Independence to Interdependence.
Solution - Get therapy for your trauma. Play the three minute game with lots of people. Develop an abundance mentality. Develop your attractiveness. Learn to tell when a potential partner is good for you and healthy for you - read the Discriminating Therapist and fix your Global Discrimination Strategies.

Trying to move from Dependence directly to Interdependence
Solution - Employ the strategies listed above to become fully independent and ensure that you are for at least six to eight weeks before jumping into a relationship.

Clitoral Dependancy
Why is this a problem - High quality male partners will want to help you experience deeply fufilling orgasms. If you overuse a vibrator to the point where you have difficulty orgasming without it, it will ACTIVELY DRIVE AWAY empathic high quality men and limit your options for a relationship.
Solution - Get therapy, if you contact me I can provide this or recommend someone to suit. Use the strategies advised above in the Sexual Independence Section.

Preparing for a Relationship

The following is a list of things I highly recommend doing when you are single, alongside all of the usual healthy lifestyle habits like sleep, self care, exercise, etc

In Sex - Enthusiasm is the hottest thing.

Men

Women

Workshop Ideas

Activity - Designing Your Ideal Partner

Podcast Episode - This exercise is around one hour and forty minutes into the episode for a detailed description.
Four Boxes - From top to bottom, left to right it is - Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Spiritual / Other

When doing this, closing your eyes really helps.

Inversion Technique - If you don't know what you want, think about the opposite of what you want, and then invert that to get a clue to what you DO want.

Attributes Method - Every single object, behaviour or experience can be defined by their attributes. Length, weight, time, colour, material, etc. Define at attribute, and it will give you a clue to the thing you want.

Three possible answers:
No answer means the question is not specific enough or that the thing is not that important to you.

Activity - Ideal Day

Describe from the moment that you wake up, what your ideal relationship will look like. Where do you wake up, what do you do then, etc. Write this out with ANY detail.

The next step - design the Ideal Partner of your ideal Partner.

Who is the ideal partner of my ideal partner?

What to do now?

Tell one person or your partner about this podcast, send them the link to the podcast https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mindkink

All of my content can be found at https://thewordsmithspeaks.com

Website, Podcast, Resources Folder, Bedtime Stories, Brainwashing Content. There is a LOT there and it's all free.

Contact me and ask for advice or ongoing coaching? Have a relationship you want to fix, or a relationship you want to begin? Want simple, clear expert advice and therapy on how to fix it?

My contact details are at the website or #link("thewordsmithspeaks@pm.me")

Further Reading

Brad P Dating website - buy his stuff it's amazing. https://www.bradp.com/ If you can't purchase a copy, get in touch and I can help out.

"The Discriminating Therapist" by Michael Yapko - Where I first heard about Global Discrimination Strategies and how to fix yours.

073 - CLASS - Basics of Brainwashing

Website – https://thewordsmithspeaks.com

Podcast – MindKink - https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mindkink

CORRECTIONS

The TAGteach Fundamentals Course is now 39 US Dollars, and not free. My apologies for the mistake, it used to be free of charge.

SUMMARY

Basic Components of Brainwashing / Operant Conditioning: TAGteach Mini-course (39USD) and those handouts (Focus Funnel, WOOF) + 10 Principles of Shaping PDF + The Training Game

Basic Components of making Erotic Hypnosis Audios: Begin with a quality script + record + distribute to your partner.

It is massively important that you learn Shaping BEFORE learning Erotic Hypnosis it will solve a huge number of problems for you.

THE META OF CONSTRUCTING A BRAINWASHING RELATIONSHIP

Introduction

Proactively Preventing Dependency

You can also deliberately ignore / invert these mechanisms to create a WILDLY more dependant relationship, intentionally. It depends of what you have both agreed to.

Develop your own life while not taking full responsibility for your partner. You can assist but maintain your own identity and do not allow the relationship to become unbalanced at your expense. You deserve at the MINIMUM a mutually fulfilling relationship.

Before crafting a relationship with specific deliberate dependencies is recommended that you ensure that your partner is capable of being fully independent as defined by the four dimensions for a period of at least 4 months.

Love is a Verb – The intention of a thing to any degrees determines the form of a thing.

Brainwashing someone is about love. Always begin with high intentions and proactively maintain your own independence.

Relationships – “I like who I am when I am around her, and she makes me WANT to be a better person, for myself.” And vice versa, obviously.

COMMON PITFALLS

SECTION 2 – LEARNING TO SHAPE BEHAVIOUR

Sign up for the TAGteach Fundamentals Course. Complete it. Use the templates in the Resources Folder to design behaviours. Play the Training Game together and have fun, play and great sex.

https://www.tagteach.com/TAGteach-Fundamentals-course

Two Additional Tools

SECTION 3 - EROTIC HYPNOSIS RECORDINGS

Sourcing Material – Check the Resources folder for the Script Library at my website. Also see these notes for a list of content creators that you may find inspirational. Buy their content, then get a copy of the audio using Jdownloader (convert with ffMPEG Batch Converter if needed), then transcribe using Deepgram and boom, an excellent place to start.

Sharing with your Partner - Use Filen, create a shared folder for them with a password. Then put all audio files in the root directory of the shared folder. Then have a subfolder named “Scripts” and in that folder, put the FULL and COMPLETE script of the recording, transcribed as above using the software and each individual text file named after the audio it contains the script for.

Distributing your Audios - Every recording gets a unique number.

So something like:

FOLDER NAMED AFTER YOUR AWESOME PARTNER

TEXT FILE that contains the Content descriptions for each file

[001] Relaxation Recording.opus

[002] Super Intense Sex Recording.opus

[003] You are Amazing.opus

Scripts - SUBFOLDER WITH FULL TEXT SCRIPTS

[001] Relaxation Recording.mp3 (This is the text of the script)

All other script text files etc ...

Things to put in a content description: The tone, general vibe, length, specific techniques used, rough outline of the actual content and main ideas, etc.

OTHER PODCAST EPISODES MENTIONED

You’ll find all these episodes on the MindKink Podcast or in the Resources Folder.

Behaviour vs Identity

Constructing Improved Triggers

Validation vs the Act

The multi-part series I did on Relationship Design

SOFTWARE

Downloading Content:
https://jdownloader.org/
https://gpodder.github.io/

Converting to Audio:
https://ffmpeg-batch.sourceforge.io/

Transcribing:
https://deepgram.com/

Editing Recorded Audio:
https://www.ocenaudio.com/
https://www.audacityteam.org/

Sharing Audio with Partner:
https://filen.io/

Playing Audios: Use VLC from the app store

EXCELLENT CONTENT CREATORS

https://www.patreon.com/thesecretsubject

https://neversidelabs.com/

Also check Resources Folder, for a PDF titled “Erotic Hypnosis Resources List” for more recommendations. Do not steal content, support local content creators by buying their stuff.

FURTHER RESOURCES

The Brainwashing Book – BUY IT AND SUPPORT CONTENT CREATORS. From https://sleepingirl.carrd.co/ or https://sleepingirl.gumroad.com/ and fuck Jeff Bezos.

Don't Shoot the Dog! : The New Art of Teaching and Training by Karen Pryor

Don't Nag... TAG!: Success the First Time with TAGteach by Theresa McKeon

https://video.clickertraining.com/programs/how-to-become-a-top-trainer-the-10-laws-of-shaping

https://clickerexpo.clickertraining.com/

https://www.behaviorworks.org/

STILL TO COPY ACROSS

Objective benchmarks for how many recordings you should make

Templates for specific erotic behaviours

Create a recording to allow / create a strong trigger response to being trained by partner.

https://deepgram.com/

[081] The Iron Law of Relationships Part 1 and Part 2

The iron law of relationships is if you can't be or aren't happy without them, then you'll never be happy with them.
Part 2 of this is if they are not happy without you, then they will never be happy with you.

So the biggest mistake when it comes to these concepts people make is they go straight from dependence to codependence, or they try to jump from dependence to interdependence, and then they end up in codependence because neither of them are actually independent.

Three Risk Factors of Codependancy - being a Man, being a Dom and having High Intelligence and Empathy

Now that's why I'm constantly pushing this this four dimensions of independence concept because then then when you surrender to someone, when you submit to them fully, you have so much more to offer them, and you're able to embrace your submission consciously, intelligently, and empathically to a vastly more intimate degree.

Basically, if you can't really say no, then you can't really say yes.

With the European model, and I talk about this a lot in the relationship design workshop, having a vastly greater emphasis on personal responsibility when it comes to the submissive as opposed to the American model, which basically advocates the idea that the submissive is not responsible for basically anything that they do, no matter how terrible it is. It's always the fault of the person holding the leash. So if you want to use simpler terms, the American model is that your submissive is a dog. And if a dog bites someone, you punish the owner.

Your submissive should, at the very least, always be able to describe how this new behaviour that you're introducing to the relationship, let's say, you controlling her wardrobe, she should be able to explain to you how that benefits her and how it benefits you. The benefits should be clear, mutually agreed upon, and easily articulatable or easy to articulate. And if someone objects to the idea of describing how something that you're both doing in a relationship should be MUTUALLY beneficial, that's a problem, generally.

Everything should be able to be questioned. No one is above questioning.

The fundamental root cause of being a nice guy is a level of empathy for other people that is massively and indiscriminately higher than the level of empathy that you have for yourself. This is the root cause of being a nice guy and something that will be addressed in other episodes in much more detail with a clear plan to fix this.

There are, roughly speaking, two criteria that are required for someone to begin to take meaningful action to solve a problem.

The first criteria is that some part of them has to believe that a solution of some kind in a positive way is possible for somebody. That's the first part. The second part, which can occur simultaneously or can occur later on, is that they have to believe that that solution exists and that it applies to them specifically, to people like them or people in that context, which is why representation is so important. Right? So first thing they have to do is understand that a solution exists and that it applies to somebody. And then the next requirement is that that a solution exists and that it applies to them.

The Serenity Prayer

Lord grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't change, and the wisdom to discern the difference.

082 - The Menu - A Tool For Easier Play And Intense Connections

IMPORTANT CORRECTION for Hypnokink scenes the induction goes in the main courses section not the appetiser section.

So in summary, it's a small piece of paper where you write out all of the things that you might like to do at all with anybody. And then you find someone at an event that you like, where you like the look of, and you ask them if you'd like to play. And then you ask them if they would like to see the menu. And then they basically pick a few things off the menu.

And the way that I found works better is to plan for the possibility of future play by letting them pick anything they want off the menu and then explaining to them that, let's say, the beef, chicken, and the vegetarian are on the menu tonight, but only the chicken and the vegetarian are actually going to happen. So you you present them with the list of things that you are able to do with them, and then they pick the 5 things they like.

Now, this solves several major problems. One, the idea is based on inclusive or whitelisting approach to kink negotiation. Making it very clear what is explicitly allowed rather than focusing on what is not allowed. Traditional kink negotiation is very less than ideal, tend to focus on a big list of stuff that you don't want to have happen with a very little emphasis on the things that you actually do want to have happen. Now, as Igor Ledowchowski teaches us, where thoughts go, energy flows and change begins.

Negotiations should be 10 percent reasonable risks - anything that cant be recovered from or would damage the relationship, then 90 percent fun things we want to experience together.

The idea is is to create massive certainty in the mind of your Dominant about what is allowed and what is not allowed, so that they can push for maximum intensity.

The goal is maximal connection, maximal generation of meaning, and simplicity. The creation of clarity in the mind of the Dominant about what is allowed so they can go hard and not have to pull their punches.

"If you can't be happy without them, you can never be fully happy with them" and "If they can't be happy without you, then they will never be fully happy with you". I provide clear advice to inform the healthy selection of a worthy partner and to avoid common pitfalls in Ds partner selection, as well as highlighting risk factors for dependency and present effective mitigations.

Entree / Appetiser
Main Course
Dessert (Aftercare)

So they correlate very directly with opening moves in a scene to create state to create state and establish the tempo and the tone of the scene. The main course is or main courses are the actual meat and potatoes and vegetables of the scene. And then the dessert section is follow through and either activities which deepen and intensify the scene in its completion or more comfort reassurance based activities like, you know, you're not really a bad person for wanting this,

Appetisers
Blindfold? Brilliant.

I've got podcast episodes on that too. The sensory stimulation. Oh, there's a word for this. It's in French, though. I think it translates to something like water spider fingers, But it's this idea water skater, it's like when you brush your fingers across someone's skin, but you do it like a millimetre away from the actual skin, and it stimulates the tiny invisible hairs that that are on their skin and it stimulates them in a much more arousing (in both the sexual and physiological sense) way than just brushing your hand through their skin.

And that can definitely work too. Also, using the back of your fingertips is a great way to make sure that you don't use too much pressure. So you sort of trace the back of your fingertips down, fingernail as well. So that would be appetizer. Alright?

Tantric eye gazing. You could look deeply and meaningfully into their eyes.

Use the appetizer like I recommend to set the mood and the tone of the experience. Are they restrained? Are they not restrained? Are they blindfolded? Are they not blindfolded? Is there a takedown element where you are physically overpowering them before the main course of mentally overpowering them. Demonstrations of physical dominance, particularly when done correctly, are the source and enduring deliciousness of many a female submissive and their deepest fantasies. So a takedown appetizer. Right? Something simple. Boobnosis, where you can have your male partner sit comfortably in a chair, a recliner or a a large comfy padded chair, not a kitchen table chair, and then straddle them. So you sit facing them with your weight on their lap and your boobs in their face.

And from this position, you establish a very commanding and dominating presence, which forms the perfect appetizer to set the tone of the experience. You're on top. You're in charge. Their eye line is directly at your breasts, and you can look deeply into their eyes. They have to look up to look into your eyes, which causes an enhancement of eye fatigue and, thus, an easier slip into those style of inductions.

Super intense and protracted Blacklist style negotiations often create a false sense of safety.

And don't be a smug person and say and use terms that are alternatives for commonly known activities that are difficult for people to understand and necessarily require explanation.

And then you can state, not imply indirectly, but you can literally state, I'd love to do these things with you. And the next time that we play together, I'd love to do even more with you, potentially. Right? You don't have to promise anything, but letting people know that you're willing to expand what's possible is definitely a good idea. If people think that you're only willing to do a particular thing that, in many ways, only serves you as the recipient, they will rapidly tire of engaging with you, and you will be better off offering a variety of things that are mutually enjoyable rather than focusing on something.

This is really more of a problem for female dominants than it is for male dominants. But it sort of depends, because sometimes male submissives have, like, a really strong fixation on painting someone's toenails or feet, you know, and they can just do that all day long, and they would never get bored of it. But it depends. I would I would default to having them look at everything that the person that you're talking to wants to do on the list, and then letting them know what is possible this time. And that when things, not if, but when things go well, setting yourself up for success, that you'd love to do more things with them next time.

And by calibration, I mean, more like a synchronization of what a 7 means to both of you in terms of intensity or a 2 means in terms of intensity to both of you. And, what happens is people have been doing starter scenes, and then they'll go back again during the same event and go, okay. I really liked that. Let's do the same appetizer, but this time for a main course, let's do 3 different things that we didn't do the first time.

And then, like, you know, a different dessert or 2 desserts. Right? And I I love hearing back about this. This is, like, one of the best things for me. Because not only is someone having an amazing experience, which is the point, but they're having such an amazing experience and building such a great connection with that person that they go back for seconds.

And then the aftercare is, you know, the unravelling, as I like to think of it. And then some hair stroking and some words of praise and then being marked in some way. I knew one one woman that would put on lipstick after a scene and kiss the shirt collar of the person that she was playing with to kind of mark her territory, but she would do it after the scene with sort of like a temporary brand, like a temporary branding. Then, of course, you can mark someone with a permanent marker in some way that's significant to you after the scene or before the scene. You can also use your teeth, gently.

Create a Menu, see templates in the Resources Folder
Recommended size is A5, or half A4

Problem: Not knowing how to ask for play, not knowing what activities are on offer leading to a girlfriend of mine not connecting with someone because they didn't know what alternative kinks she's into, leading to her sexual frustration

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN WHITELISTING AND BLACKLISTING

INSTITUTION OF CLEAR STANDARDS OF PROFICIANCY

Solution: A clear, non-verbal list and a easily memorisable process that can be easily tailored for your specific kinks or multiples created.

Process: Let them pick whatever they want FIRST, then tell them what is available TONIGHT
"Would you like to see the Menu"

083 - Major Improvements To Negotiation By Use Of Whitelisting

The main distinction between an inclusive and an exclusive negotiation or a old style black listing approach compared to a newer style white listing approach is the same distinction between teleological and ateleological therapeutic approaches that Michael Yapko outlines in the book "The Discriminating Therapist". Basically, if you look at something like Freudian psychoanalysis, the main thrust of it is to go backwards in time and continually create rationalizations for why something exists. This is, of course, a massive overgeneralization and not something that should be taken literally. But it is the massive overfocus on the past that causes the staggering lack of forward movement. People can be in Freudian psychoanalysis style therapy sessions for LITERAL years without making significant progress. That's a possibility. I know people personally that have had that happen to them. It's the forward focused approach of whitelisting and inclusive negotiation versus the backwards focused approach of blacklisting that creates the value here.

The end goal of a negotiation is to establish a great deal of clarity around the things that you like, the things that she likes, and the areas that really overlap, as well as create clarity in the mind of the top or dominant.

So the main drawback of the old approach is that it over focuses on risk and often leads to people who already have a predilection for catastrophizing to feel very soothed and reaffirmed in their unreasonable catastrophizing. It is post facto rationalization of what I refer to as disaster seeking behaviour. Now getting into the intricacies of a parts conflict is not particularly relevant here, except to say that certain kinds of people are motivated by behavioural drives that may not be immediately obvious. And those drives are exacerbated in a traditional negotiation. Everyone can run through the delicate and complex and failure prone conventional negotiation model and feel like they have done everything perfectly correctly, and then have something completely unexpected happen causing them to radically evaluate and then double down on the conventional negotiation process.

There is a, in my opinion, pathological overfocus on having long, extremely involved negotiation conversations that objectively solve nothing, create nothing, clarify very little, but are more of a ritualized filtering behavioural process designed to eliminate potentially undesirable or unsafe partners without actually accomplishing that in practice. Now, obviously, that's impossible to do because things can come up randomly, which is why I advocate for the let's focus on the things that could go catastrophically wrong for 10% of our 15 to 20 minute negotiation, and then spend the rest of the time talking about everything that makes us wet and hard and happy.

You decide whether they're worthy of playing with you before the negotiation begins. Negotiation is not a filtering mechanism.

Exclusive Negotiation (Blacklisting) = Focusses completely on things you DON'T want. Kills passion, causes catastrophising
Inclusive Negotiation (Whitelisting) = Focusses on risks it would very difficult to recover from, and then spends 90 % of the time discussing the awesome, fun things you actually WANT to do with them.

Don't call it negotiation, use "collaboration" instead.
"Harmonisation

Books Referenced - "The Discriminating Therapist" by Michael Yapko
"The Forked Tongue" by Flagg. Particularly the Final Chapter and the Epilogue
"The Heart of Dominance" by Anton Fulmen
"The Dominance Playbook" by Anton Fulmen

Overfocus on the past and insufficient focus on forward movement

Overcomplicated negotiations do not actually work.

Instead: solve actual catastrophes, then spend 90 percent of the time discussing what to actually DO

Also include Resiliency so you both know how to cover recovery if things go wrong

8 Questions for better Sex handout in Resources Folder
PDF - The After Action Review
PDF - 8 Questions for Better Sex
PDF - The Five Minute Aftercare Routine

Calibrate levels of relative force

And the great thing about whitelisting is it branches very naturally into conversations around blanket consent and consensual non consent. It's very easy to transition from a initially white listed approach into simply allowing those activities at any time, or simply allowing any activity that's on this list of things, regardless of whether they give explicit consent provided that they don't safe word or, you know, consensual non consent. That's one of the ways that you can do consensual non consent.

084 - Using Uncensored AI LLM's to Create Ideas for Ds, Characters and Scenes

LMStudio. Install Cognitive Computations Dolphin or Mixtral Model (NOT MiStral)

Gab.ai

Use it when you are unfamiliar with a roleplay to get inside the mind of a character and their example formative experiences ask for specific dialogue examples and feed it stories of your partners they like.

I'm a huge proponent of people not censoring their deepest and darkest fantasies from themselves, which is why it necessitates an uncensored language model.

Honestly I would use both an online and a locally hosted model, as needed. The key is uncensored output.

Setting up the Software

OPTION 1 - Recommended

  1. Install LM Studio - https://lmstudio.ai/
  2. Install a Model from Cognitive Computations, Eric Hartford or TheBloke

You are looking for anything with uncensored in the title, the latest version and the most powerful that your computer can handle.

Example links are below. Really you want anything from Cognitive Computations - Hugging Face is simply where the actual files are downloaded from.

Current Best Recommendation:

https://huggingface.co/cognitivecomputations/dolphin-2.9.4-llama3.1-8b-gguf

Smaller Model

https://huggingface.co/cognitivecomputations/TinyDolphin-2.8-1.1b

OPTION 2 - If you don't have a powerful computer, this is also the simplest and the fastest method to get working.

The best uncensored online hosted AI that I have been able to find is:

https://gab.ai/

OPTION 3

Much harder to use, Graphical User Interface is Optional.

https://ollama.com/library

Prompt Structure

The following tutorials are very useful:

https://www.makeuseof.com/write-effective-chatgpt-prompts-for-ai-answers/

Also the book

https://fka.gumroad.com/l/art-of-chatgpt-prompting

Generally, you want to use the following process:

Create a World -> Create the active Characters -> Design their interactions and the actual scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC4v5AS4RIM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmzZF2EnKaA

https://erichartford.com/

https://erichartford.com/uncensored-models

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGkaWMDKM9g

085 - A Brief Introduction to Using Role Playing Systems for Ds Character Design

Dungeons and Dragons
Use the wisdom and a tomato examples

Fallout SPECIAL System

The Eldar Scrolls

086 - Dismissing vs Reinforcing - The Two Distinct Versions of Aftercare

Aftercare occurs at the final stage of The Menu, and can be done in one of two ways.

Dismissing seeks to undo the effect of the scene.

Reinforcing seeks to magnify, intensify, deepen the connection and the meaning of the scene.

Now, you can do either approach, but one of the things about drawing this to your attention is that if people are not aware that other options exist, it's very likely that they won't pursue them.

087 - The Single Tool Scene and A Pathway for Mastering Hypnokink Skills

Basically this is it in one sentence: Artificially and temporarily restrict yourself to a single tool / technique and use that until you get very very good at it while controlling all the other variables in the scene or series of scenes.

Thats it. Control your variables and truly master every single one of your tools, in depth.

Maxim: A proposition serving as a rule or guide; a summary statement of an established or accepted principle; a pithy expression of a general rule of conduct or action, whether true or false: as, the maxims of religion or of law; the maxims of worldly wisdom or of avarice; ethical maxims.

Zen Koan: A Zen koan is a paradoxical statement or question used in Zen Buddhism to challenge the rational mind and facilitate sudden intuitive enlightenment. It is a concise and often seemingly absurd phrase or dialogue that admits no logical solution, designed to test the “progress” of a student or novice monk.

088 Responsibility Without Real Actual Authority Is Tyranny

089 Mini-Scenes And Their Use In Increasing Trance Responsiveness In A Subject

090 What Determines Dominance or Submission and It's Implications For Ds Relationships

091 The Three Line Contract

CORRECTION - "There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root." is not from Abraham Lincoln as stated but from Henry David Thoreau.

An entire contract / agreement in three sentences:

"That you must love yourself the way that you have always loved other people" - The Improved Golden Rule

"Live every moment of your life in alignment with your Long Term Highest Good"

OR if they are Owned:

"Live every moment of your life asking yourself "What would He / She want FOR me (to do)?""

"What would Gods version of me, do?"

(Even if this person isn't your Dominant, you can pick someone you admire and respect, and who loves you, and what they would want for you.)

An Optional Third Line (to provide guidence):

Healthy, Happy, Sexy, Wealthy - Everything you do should be in alignment with one of those four concepts, and if it isn't, then don't do it.

Personality Tests Mentioned : Myers Briggs, Big Five

Fight - Flight - Freeze - Fawn

The Root Cause of Nice Guy Issues is Pathological Altruism, the Solution is to Love Yourself the same as you have loved others, I am aware this is difficult but it is achievable with effort and you can do this :-)

The Original:
Blood is thicker than water.

The Extension:
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.” More directly, it means that relationships you make yourself are far more important than the ones that you don’t choose.

"Live every day as though it were a complete life" - Seneca

For Want of a Nail

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost.

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the message was lost.

For want of a message the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.